Videos
Tips, Techniques, and Tools For A Better Relationship
Every couple fights. Sometimes it’s about the little things (“Why didn’t you take the trash out?”), sometimes it’s about the heavy stuff. Either way, arguments can take on a life of their own where words get sharp, walls go up, and suddenly it feels like you and your partner are on opposite sides of the table instead of on the same team.
Here’s a technique we love because it’s deceptively simple: The Handshake.
In the video above, you’ll see two partners caught in an argument. Tension is high. Then one of them reaches out – not with more words, but with a hand. A handshake. Suddenly, the whole atmosphere shifts. Smiles return. A hug follows.
Why does this work?
Because a handshake is more than just physical contact. When you and your partner agree on its meaning ahead of time, it becomes a symbol:
We are more important than the argument
This is my olive branch.
I want to turn this conversation around.
It’s not about avoiding hard conversations. It’s about creating a reset button you both agree to push when things get heated.
How to use this in your relationship
1. Talk about it outside of conflict. Sit down together and decide: What will this handshake mean for us?
2. Practice it. Try it once or twice during a light disagreement, so it feels natural when the big stuff shows up.
3. Respect it. If your partner offers the handshake, honor the signal. Pause, take a breath, and reset.
It’s simple, yes. But simplicity is often what cuts through the noise. A handshake becomes your way of saying: I choose you over this argument.
Arguments have a way of spiraling. One sharp comment turns into another, then into a full-blown “How did we even get here?” moment. What most couples don’t realize is that you don’t always need a perfect solution in the middle of a fight. Sometimes, you just need a way to disrupt the cycle before it gets out of control.
That’s where the OK–Pause Technique comes in.
In the video above, you’ll see how it works: both partners agree in advance that when one of them says “OK and then Pauses” the next three things that happen are non-negotiable:
Someone says “Okay” and then Pauses (no words).
You both pause.
And then — yes, really — you both laugh.
Why does this work?
Because conflict is fueled by momentum. Every word and reaction adds another log to the fire. By agreeing on a “secret language” like OK–Pause, you’re installing an off-switch.
1. Saying “OK” interrupts the back-and-forth and signals agreement to step back.
2. The pause creates a breath of space for nervous systems to settle.
3. The laugh breaks tension and reminds you both that you’re on the same team.
It’s not about dismissing the issue. It’s about pressing reset so you can come back to the conversation in a calmer, more connected way.
How to use it in your relationship
1. Agree on the rules first. Talk about it when you’re not fighting so you both know exactly what OK–Pause means.
2. Practice in small moments. Try it during a minor disagreement to build muscle memory.
3. Lean into the laugh. It may feel silly at first, but that’s the point — silliness is often the shortest path back to closeness.
The more you practice, the more OK–Pause becomes less of a gimmick and more of a lifeline — a quick, shared reminder that love matters more than the last word.
It takes two seconds. Seven words. But they can turn the tide of an argument faster than any clever comeback or drawn-out debate.
In the video above, you’ll see just how quickly these words can shift the mood between partners. No, they don’t erase the conflict. But they do something more important: they stop the damage from spreading.
Why does this work?
Arguments often escalate because each person feels unheard, dismissed, or attacked. When you pause and take ownership of your words, you’re sending three powerful signals:
1. Accountability. You’re not defending or deflecting – you’re owning your part.
2. Repair. You’re making an active step toward healing the rupture.
3. Respect. You’re showing your partner that the relationship matters more than being right.
Research on relationships consistently shows that repair attempts, even small ones, are the key difference between couples who stay together and those who drift apart. And sometimes, repair is as simple as seven words said with sincerity.
How to use it in your relationship:
1. Say it early. Don’t wait until the argument has gone nuclear. Use these words the moment you realize you’ve crossed a line.
2. Mean it. Tone matters as much as the words themselves. A sarcastic “sorry” doesn’t count.
3. Let it land. Pause after you say it. Give your partner space to absorb the repair instead of rushing past it.
It may feel tiny, but two seconds of repair often saves hours of damage control.